| Stay tuned |
[18 Aug 2009|02:32pm] |
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Slowly working my way back into this online social networking whateverthefuckyoucallit. I'll be home soon. In the meantime...
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| 2009 |
[06 Jan 2009|12:51am] |
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mood |
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McDonald & Giles |
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Let the games begin.
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[06 Aug 2008|07:11pm] |
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...
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[26 Oct 2006|09:50pm] |
I'm pretty shocked.
...actually I'm not.
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[06 Oct 2006|04:27pm] |
Wow...things are gettin' kinda weird around here. I'll come with the full scoop tomorrow at work.
Just thought you should know...
P.S.: The new Beck album=butter
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| The Undertit (from "Another Planet" by yours truely) |
[11 Sep 2006|07:26pm] |
DR. ATLONIAZ F. GILBERTO
MORTIMER SPIVEY
MORT
You entered…a titty sucking contest?
GILBERTO
I didn't just enter, young man. I was a champion! From 1977 to 1985 nobody was sucking titties like me! My methods have been studied around the world! I'm an innovator!
MORT
…an innovator?
GILBERTO
Son, if you knew what I know about sucking titties, you probably wouldn't be in the funk you're in now. How do you suck titties?
MORT
What are you mean "How do I suck titties"?
GILBERTO
How. do you. suck titties?
MORT
Well…I uh…I suck 'em. What else is there? I suck the nipples and…
GILBERTO
And…
MORT
…and that's it.
GILBERTO
There's a whole lot of tittie you've been neglecting young man. You know what the most neglected part of the tittie is?
MORT
Enlighten me Doc.
GILBERTO
The undertit.
MORT
The what?
GILBERTO
The undertit.
MORT
?
GILBERTO
Under the tittie.
MORT
?
GILBERTO
Okay, imagine a tittie. Are you imagining a tittie?
MORT
Yes…I see the tittie.
GILBERTO
Now, imagine the tittie is planet Earth.
MORT
With or without the nipple?
GILBERTO
Keep the nipple. I think it'll help in your case.
MORT
What's that supposed to mean!?
GILBERTO
Focus on the titty!
MORT
Okay, okay…I'm picturing the titty…as planet Earth…nipple and all.
GILBERTO
Good. Do you see the South Pole, Antarctica?
MORT
Yeah.
GILBERTO
That's the undertit.
MORT
Doc, you are not putting those trophies up in my apartment.
GILBERTO
Do you know how many people would kill to live with a tittie sucking champion of my caliber?
MORT
I don't want Deni coming over and seeing that my new roommate is not only some quack doctor but a world renowned tittie sucker.
GILBERTO
Jealous that I'll steal your girl?
MORT
That's the least of my worries…and she's not my girl. She's my ex.
GILBERTO
And…
MORT
And what?
GILBERTO
She's your ex?
MORT
Yes.
GILBERTO
I'm putting these trophies up.
MORT
Doc!
GILBERTO
Mort! I suck titties, and I suck 'em well. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
MORT
The trophies say "titty sucking" on them!
GILBERTO
And when the females come over they'll be highly impressed. Listen, I'm an old man. I'm just trying to help you out, and from the looks of things you need that shit.
MORT
Oh really?
GILBERTO
It smells like we're living in a bong. I'm opening a window.
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[06 Sep 2006|08:48pm] |
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I don't think Orlando is the place for me, and I plan on going back north as soon as possible.
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[23 Aug 2006|11:31am] |
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Who wants to see Wu-Tang tomorrow? I have an extra ticket.
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| o.O |
[17 Aug 2006|01:58pm] |
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mood |
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puzzled |
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music |
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"Andy"-Frank Zappa & The Mothers of Invention |
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Dentist Puts Gold Teeth on Pet Cat
(08-16) 17:56 PDT Alexandria, Ind. (AP) --
This cool cat has traded in his catnip for some bling. Sebastian, a one-year-old Persian with long black hair, sports gold crowns on his two bottom canines, which grew sticking out from his lips in an underbite similar to a bulldog's.
His owner, dentist David Steele, said he gave Sebastian gold crowns to help strengthen the fanged feline's teeth. Steele said he was worried the unique canines would break off or become a problem.
"It's possible to work on animals the same way we do humans," he said. "I did it to strengthen (Sebastian's) teeth, but it had an excellent cosmetic result. The cat gets a lot of attention now. Everyone is tickled to death when they see him."
Sebastian's two gold teeth protruding from his furry face make him seem a little menacing, like a hip-hop star's guard-cat or a movie villain's pet. The feline didn't seem too happy with his new look at first.
"He's normally around me all the time," Steele said. "After I put the crowns on, he didn't 'speak' to me for two days."
When Sebastian was tranquilized about a month ago to get his coat trimmed, Steele used the occasion to take impressions of his teeth. He then sent those impressions to a company that prepares crowns for his human patients.
"They called back and asked me what I was up to," Steele said.
Two weeks ago, veterinarian Larry Owen tranquilized the cat at the Alexandria Animal Hospital about 30 miles northeast of Indianapolis so Steele could do the dentistry work, which took about 15 minutes to complete.
Owen said putting gold crowns on teeth can be done for any pet with a dental problem.
"Mostly, though, it was a fun thing to do," Owen said. "(Steele is) always up to something or trying something new."
Steele said he has put a crown on a cat once before, after the animal was hit by a car. He also put a gold crown on his Boston terrier.
Steele said the cost for each gold tooth is about the same as for humans — about $900 each.
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[30 Jun 2006|09:34am] |
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music |
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"Sometimes I Don't Know What To Feel"-Todd Rundgren |
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Today I saw a car(s) crush a little kitten under its wheel. I saw the kitten twitching and scrambling in the right lane, but by the time I made a attempt to come to its rescue it was too late.
Today I put out a can of tuna for the two stray cats in my complex.
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[30 Jun 2006|09:34am] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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"Sometimes I Don't Know What To Feel"-Todd Rundgren |
] |
Today I saw a car(s) crush a little kitten under its wheel. I saw the kitten twitching and scrambling in the right lane, but by the time I made a attempt to come to its rescue it was too late.
Today I put out a can of tuna for the two stray cats in my complex.
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| In other news... |
[27 Jun 2006|11:34am] |
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music |
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"Freak Out!"(LP)-The Mothers of Invention |
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Frank Zappa is The G.O.A.T.
With the exception of Slick Rick, Zappa is the only musician I'll shamelessly dickride to no end (no homo).
The end.
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[05 May 2006|03:52pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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"My Uzi Weighs a Ton"-Public Enemy |
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I got my license yesterday.
"ARE YA LAUGHIN' BEEYOTCH!? HEH...YA THINK IT'S FUNNY!?"-Reverend X a.k.a. The Spirit of Truth
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| A Poem. |
[29 Apr 2006|12:27pm] |
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mood |
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 artistic |
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"Another Case of the PTA"-Leaders of the New School |
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Oh no! The kid's writing poetry!
It's the hotness
The newness
of new shit
The news
that nudist
are now wearing...
clothes?
And the fully clothed...
butt ass naked?
And what about
the butt ass naked?
A but with know ass
is a frightening sight
to behold
Do you best not to take me too seriously.
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| Another classic Sebastian Barr college essay written an hour before its due |
[19 Apr 2006|02:46pm] |
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"Truely Yours"-Kool G. Rap & DJ Polo" |
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(Not to mention I came up with the topic itself and sources an hour before it was due as well. I'm a bad man.)
Sebastian Barr
Freshman Composition I
Dr. John Hughes, ENC 1101
“C” is For…
Television is raising our children, yet everyone is okay with it. The rationale is this: “Well, if the media is raising the kids, we might as well get the media ‘right’.” What’s wrong with this logic? For starters you’re pretty much admitting that you don’t raise your kids, and would rather leave that daunting task to the television set. Don’t you think TV has enough to worry about as it is? Its bad enough television already carries the burden of telling us how to think, act, and dress, what to buy and what to watch. Now it has to tell our children what to eat as well. Dr. Rosemarie T. Truglio, Sesame Street’s vice president of research and education seems to think so.
Associated Press journalist Chelsea Carter: “Something must be wrong in the land of Muppets. First PBS announced that Sesame Street would kick off its 35th season this week with a multiyear story arc about healthy habits. No problem there; childhood obesity rates are soaring. Then I learned of changes that turned my ‘Sesame Street’ world upside-down.”(Carter, “…Eating Less Cookies”) Thirty-five years is a long time to be on television. The question is, after thirty-five seasons on television, what could possibly happen that would turn Carter’s “Sesame Street World” upside down. Carter continues: “My beloved blue, furry monster — who sang ‘C is for cookie, that's good enough for me’ — is now advocating eating healthy. There's even a new song — ‘A Cookie Is a Sometimes Food,’ where Cookie Monster learns there are ‘anytime’ foods and ‘sometimes foods.’.” (Carter, “…Eating Less Cookies”)
WHAT! So, let’s get this straight. Cookie Monster isn’t a Cookie Monster anymore? He’s a monster who happens to like cookies? Dear reader, let me be blunt when I say this is downright ridiculous. What is to be accomplished by this act of blasphemy? This is what Dr. Truglio has to say about it (as told to Carter): “…the show changes every year, focusing not just on teaching numbers and letters but also emotional and physical health. With the rise in childhood obesity, Truglio said ‘Sesame Street’ is concentrating on the need to teach children about healthy foods and physical activity.” (Carter, “…Eating Less Cookies”) Is not wanting kids to get fat a crime? I don’t think so. We’re a nation of consumers, and we consume profusely, everything right down to the food we eat. A one-person meal at Red Lobster could feed two starving African families. This is what I’ve gathered so far; Children are getting too fat, therefore, Cookie Monster needs to go on a diet. This is flawed, very flawed, and I’m not the only one who thinks so.
Another Journalist, Jonah Goldberg, is just as outraged at the new changes being made to an American icon. “Sesame Street and its defenders say they are just trying to do their bit in the war against child obesity. That’s nice. But at what price?” asks Goldberg. “The whole point of the Cookie Monster character was to have a character who was silly because he ate so much. If Cookie Monster were a Greek god, he’d be the god of gluttony. Wouldn’t it have been more honest and simply better to implore kids not to be too much like the Cookie Monster rather than make the Cookie Monster like everyone else? We all understand we shouldn’t be like Oscar the Grouch.” [italics added for emphasis] (Goldberg, “Let Cookie Monster be…”) I don’t know if I can cosign on that last statement Goldberg made about Oscar the Grouch. He embodies the nihilistic attitude many an American has adopted, but that’s another subject entirely. “Cookies will become a ‘sometimes’ food,” says Lisa Liddane (Liddane, “Sugar-free kid”) I have a better idea. How about parents stop being “sometimes” parents and watch what their kids eat! The fact that we’re relying on puppets to gets our kids eating right is a shame by itself. It shouldn’t be like that. Village Voice astrology guy Rob Brezsney put it best in his May 25, 2005 horoscope column for the aforementioned Voice. “I vociferously protest this action,” states Brezsney. “Born November 2, Cookie Monster is a Scorpio, and Scorpios shouldn't be compelled to tone down their desires as long as their desires aren't hurting anyone.”[italics added for emphasis] (Brezsney, “Free Will Astrology”) Lets be real, dear reader. Cookie Monster is a puppet, and not just any puppet, but a MUPPET, a creation of the late Jim Henson, a brilliant man. Cookie Monster lives in his own world where he’s not constrained by the laws of reality. That’s why he can devour an entire plate of cookies (as well as the plate itself) without actually swallowing one crumb. He’s as real as a cartoon. In other words, HE’S NOT REAL! And he’s not supposed to be! I didn’t eat a pound of cookies when I saw Cookie Monster do it on Sesame Street some fifteen years ago. My parents taught me better. I never saw blue, fuzzy, cockeyed monsters walking down the street, so why would I imitate one that I see on TV?
This is the point I’m getting at dear reader: Parents lack of parenting has led to this. That, and America’s bad eating habits. When I was only a small lad I was bombarded with healthy eating and hygiene propaganda out the in yang. (In other words, it was unavoidable). Now, if the powers that be have kept up the bombardment of healthy eating propaganda since 1991 then there’s no excuse for the obesity problem, which only means one thing: People know better, they have the information, but choose not to use it. They (“they” being the American people and the children they raise or don't raise) refuse to eat healthy. It’s as simple as that, and putting an apple in Cookie Monster’s hand in place of a cookie is not going to change that.
Work Cited
Brezsney, Rob. “Free Will Astrology.” The Village Voice. 2006. Village Voice Media, Inc.
25. May. 2005 <http://www.villagevoice.com/people/0521,brezsny,64340,25.html>
Carter, Chelsea J. “Cookie Monster Eating Less Cookies”. SFGate. 2006. Associated Press/
7. April. 2005. <http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2005/04/07/entertainment/e123204d96.dtl>
Goldberg, Jonah. “Let Cookie Monster be Cookie Monster”. National Review Online.
22. April. 2005 <http://www.nationalreview.com/goldberg/goldberg200504220746.asp>
Liddane, Lisa. “Sugar-free kid” The Orange County Register. Santa Ana, California. April 8, 2005 pNA
Opposing Viewpoints. Gale. Valencia Community College East Campus East Campus Library, Orlando.
19. April. 2006. <http://www.linccweb.org/eresources.asp>
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| JODY! |
[08 Jan 2006|10:47pm] |
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Boogie Down Productions |
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EXCLUSIVE! SEBASTIAN BARR! NEW ONE ACT PLAY! NIGGAS RUN FOR COVER!
( Read more... )
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| White people...y'all trippin' AGAIN... |
[30 Dec 2005|05:56pm] |
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"Fire"-Arthur Brown |
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From today's Washington Post....
I see things haven't changed much back home...
---------------------------------------------
Manassas's War on Immigrants
Friday, December 30, 2005; Page A26
"Ours is by no means a tradition limited to respect for the bonds uniting the members of the nuclear family. The tradition of uncles, aunts, cousins, and especially grandparents sharing a household along with parents and children has roots equally venerable and equally deserving of constitutional recognition. Over the years millions of our citizens have grown up in just such an environment, and most, surely, have profited from it. "
-- Justice Lewis F. Powell Jr., Moore v. City of East Cleveland, Ohio (1977)
WRITING FOR the Supreme Court, Justice Powell sensibly struck down a singularly ludicrous municipal attempt to define family living arrangements so strictly that it would criminalize a grandmother's choice to live with her grandson. Now comes the city of Manassas with an equally outrageous zoning ordinance. Under the guise of upholding standards in its pristine neighborhoods, it would outlaw households consisting of a family's cousins, uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews. Quite aside from the law's probable unconstitutionality, it is patently bigoted.
Like other suburban localities in this region, Manassas is undergoing a demographic shift as Hispanic immigrants, legal and undocumented, move into what were once relatively homogenous neighborhoods. Some of the immigrants share housing with their relatives to help out with the rent or mortgage -- the sort of arrangement that the late Justice Powell, a proud Virginian, would recognize as part of the striving that constitutes the American dream. Some communities are welcoming, others less so; in Manassas, city officials decided that the best way to deal with the immigrants was to harass them.
In an act of Big Brotherish government intrusion, they changed a zoning law to redefine family units suitable for cohabitation -- and to exclude uncles, aunts and others they deem as undesirables. To enforce their decree, Manassas authorities are sending inspectors into selected city households to interrogate hard-working people about the numbers and relationships of the inhabitants.
Ostensibly, the city's purpose is to address problems of crowding, parking and garbage arising from overlarge households. But don't be fooled. Large Anglo families whose grown, live-at-home children might all park on the street or overstuff the garbage bins have nothing to fear. Rather, city inspectors charged with enforcing the new law are responding to complaints, and the complaints are almost invariably about Hispanics households -- not necessarily ones that are overcrowded. In the law's conception and enforcement, there is blatant racial skewing. The idea in changing the law's definition of a family was "to make sure these peripheral people start to be winnowed out," Brian Smith, the city's chief building official, told The Post.
Leave aside the fact that America was founded by people then considered "peripheral," and that equally "peripheral people" -- immigrants -- have fought its wars, built its railways, populated its greatest cities and manned its mightiest industries. From the grousing of Manassas officials, you'd think that the city's immigrant families were living in rowdy boarding houses, sleeping in their dozens by shifts, making a nuisance of themselves and besmirching the neighborhoods; if that were the case, Manassas would have a legitimate interest in taking action. In fact, as The Post's Stephanie McCrummen reported, the homes targeted by Manassas inspectors are neither untidy nor unruly nor particularly crowded; an inspector's scrutiny might be drawn by eight people living in a five-bedroom house, hardly an instance of acute overcrowding.
Already, in a case vividly chronicled by Ms. McCrummen, the city's persecution of Hispanic immigrants has compelled Leyla and Juan Chavez, U.S. citizens who came to this country in the 1980s, to decide to leave the area. Their offense? Housing a nephew, as well as a renter couple who lived downstairs. The Chavez household and its ilk do not threaten the safety of Manassas's neighborhoods, nor its morals, nor "the strong spirit of our city," as Mayor Douglas S. Waldron (R) stated in a letter in the fall to Gov. Mark R. Warner (D). They simply represent a wave of demographic change, one of many that have defined and redefined America from its founding. If that offends some older residents' sense of propriety, tough. America was built on diversity, and to mount a campaign of harassment against it, as Manassas has done, dishonors the nation's immigrant tradition as well as constitutional protections.
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[26 Dec 2005|08:56pm] |
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mood |
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"Tenemos Roads"-National Health |
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I'm going anywhere folks. I'm just putting my LJ temporarly on hold. If you wanna talk to me you know my AIM. If not, it's Da Lonliest Funk.
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